just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
