don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
