Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
