You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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