either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
