I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
