Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
