Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize