She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
