The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize