Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
