I think i sorta joined a cult last night
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
