Farmville is her only friend.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
