i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
