they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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