proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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