Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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