Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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