U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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