is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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