it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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