So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
