If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
