Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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