Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
