Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
