You really coming over, don't trick.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
