At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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