Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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