nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
smell my finger.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
