But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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