I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
