I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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