i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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