tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
