I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
