Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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