yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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