well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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