fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
