Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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