I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
