Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
