So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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