Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I pour the whiskey from now on
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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