I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
There was a lot of him and a little penis
birth control should be required to get into college
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize