Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
