Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
