I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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