you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
