Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
