ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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