oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
