She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
