So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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