Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
