I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
