I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
