if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Just pee around me
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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