The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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