when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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