Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
