I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
