Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
