I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
