My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
