My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You have to summon your inner elephant
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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