We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
