before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
