I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
