It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
